


Happy Birthday Bucky Barnes

by MsMarvelous



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers Family, Avengers Tower, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Confusion, Domestic Avengers, Fluff and Angst, Happy Birthday, Hurt/Comfort, Memory Loss, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-08
Updated: 2016-01-08
Packaged: 2018-05-12 13:46:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5668207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsMarvelous/pseuds/MsMarvelous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Winter Soldier was an asset to Hydra, but now he is nothing, useless and broken. Yet Steve and the Avengers deem him worthy enough to celebrate his date of birth. A year later, Bucky finally has his life back and most of his mind, just in time to truly celebrate the gift of knowing who he is and a future surrounded by the friends who gave him that precious second chance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The smell of home

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own any of the characters, just love ‘em so dang much!
> 
> This story hits on the theme of Hurt/Comfort that is so strong and compelling in this Fandom as the Winter Soldier is brought in from the cold and shown the warmth of his humanity. There will be a follow up Chapter that takes place one year later so stay tuned folks! ;)
> 
> Also if you like it check out my other MUCH longer story’s that go together, both hurt/ comfort non slash but different story line of his rescue and recovery process.
> 
> “No More Pain,” and the sequel “To Be the Man That I Am,…. Bucky’s Recovery”

He was not alone.

The Winter Soldier shifted just slightly under his thick comforter, opening his eyes a crack to peer at the large silhouetted figure that leaned casually against the door frame of the cell,…no,….room. The room was dark and the bright light of the hall way was almost blinding. His chest felt tight, heart hammering and his breathing stopped. He blinked rapidly as his body went ridged, tense with apprehension. 

“Hey Bucky,………. It’s just me,…… It’s Steve….. You remember?” The man spoke in a deliberately calm and gentle voice, words slow and pronounced with slight hesitation and a tremor of hope. He remained in the doorway, moving to stand up straight but not advancing forward into the room, giving the Soldier time to process and respond. The Asset felt his heart racing and his mind spinning as he struggled to hold on to the familiar voice and name. Steve,…..Steven Grant Rogers……. Captain America,….. Mission,…..NO,…… Handler……Friend? 

The Winter Soldier forced himself to take a deep breath of air, the sound, a choked gasp as he felt a tremor rake through his body, the rush of adrenalin released. He took a few more deep breaths, as he closed his eyes and focused just as Sam, the man who once had wings, had told him to do when his chest got tight and his mind scrambled. He crumpled his brow in concentration as he willed his body to calm down and the roar of his thoughts to quiet. He had never before been so dysfunctional as he was now, completely disoriented and unfocused. A useless, broken tool, worthless with out value or purpose. Yet despite his inability to operate as an efficient and finely tuned weapon, Steve and the other Handers, or Friends, as they insisted on calling them selves, never seemed angry or upset with him for failing to preform effectively.

He un-balled his fists and flexed his fingers as he slowly sat upright on the mattress he was permitted to sleep on in the middle of the floor. He opened his eyes again and winced as he rubbed his temple with his flesh hand, gritting his teeth at the familiar sensation of a headache, dull and throbbing behind his eyes. He had never noticed his pain before, as it was irrelevant unless it interfered with the mission objective. Now however, Steve and the other Avenger’s had explained to him that his mission objective was to feel Healthy…, Happy… Safe, all terms he had to look up on the tablet Stark had given him and then confer with Steve and Sam to gain further Intel as he struggled to comprehend their meaning and how it related to his functionality as an Asset.

The Soldier rolled his neck and rotated his metal arm once as he sighed, his breathing evening out as he pulled his legs up under the cover and wrapped his arms around his knees. His eyes were unfocused and distant as he attempted to reorient himself with his own mind. Before, when he was still the Fist of Hydra, it had been mostly quiet inside his head, simple and direct, thoughts precise and feelings dull and detached. The longer he was awake however, the more he became aware of himself, his thoughts and feelings. It had been over three months since he was last strapped into Hydra’s maintenance chair and even though he had grown to realize that he deeply hated and feared the dreaded machine, he also at times longed for it’s deliverance form the confusion and chaos of his rapidly recovering mind that seemed to be pulled in a million different directions at once, the pain of recovering memories both physically and emotionally exhausting. 

“Bucky?..... May I come in?” Steve spoke cautiously, taking only the smallest step forward as the Soldier blinked again rapidly, eyes darting toward Steve and then around the room before lowing back down, face obscured by his curtain of hair as he nodded his head once submissively. He shook slightly as Steve closed distance until taking a seat upon the mattress on the floor, the bed frame discarded within the first few days the Soldier had been taken in by the Avenger’s after it had been smashed and broken by the unhinged man during a particularly violent episode of hysteria. 

Steve sat at the foot of the large mattress, body language relaxed and smile soft as he watched the Soldier, and waited for him to make eye contact. After a few more moments the man once named Bucky rose his head a fraction, eyes drifting up from behind his dark hair as he glanced nervously toward Steve then away again, biting his lip. 

Steve studied his friend and then spoke with quiet reassurance.

“It’s okay Buck……. You don’t need permission to speak.” Steve promised, sighing as internally he wondered how many more times he would need to repeat that affirmation before the Soldier’s deeply ingrained conditioning would accept it as truth. The Captain again waited patiently, familiar with the routine of allowing the former Assassin to get his bearings. It had been hard at first, to watch his best friend struggle through restless sleep haunted by nightmares and then to keep his distance as the Soldier awoke, disoriented and desperately confused, fear evident in his eyes and body language. They had found him huddled under a bridge over one of the many waterways connected to the Potomac. He had been wild eyed and defensive, not allowing anyone to touch him as he growled in Russian, metal hand clutching a knife as his flesh one pulled on his own hair, rocking back and forth. Hawkeye had shot him with a tranquilizer once the Captain had reluctantly realized that there was no way to talk him down.

Now, after more then a month of gradual reassurances and agonizing patience, at last the Soldier had accepted Steve’s help, if not as a friend then as a Handler. The Captain smiled again and nodded as the Asset glanced back up at him rocking slightly before he opened his moth and spoke with a rough, quiet mumble.

“I need….to use,….. the toilet?” His statement ended with a question and uncertain eyes that were watching Steve intently. In response Steve simply smiled and nodded, pointing toward the door that lead to the bathroom.

“Of course Bucky,……. Go ahead,……. I will be right here.” Steve added when his friend glanced at the door then back to Steve with uncertainty. The Captain swallowed down his heartache as he watched Bucky slowly rise to his feet, taking silent steps toward the bathroom while continuing to glance back at Steve for reassurance. It had taken more then a few weeks of carefully worded questions from Sam before they had learned that the Soldier was constantly on guard with the thought he was being tested and he feared making a wrong move and being punished or sent back to Hydra. The admission was part of a larger revelation that offered the Avenger’s some insight into the fragmented and tortured mind of the POW who because of constant flashbacks and the pain of rapidly reconnecting neural-transmitters, was having great difficulty keeping in touch with reality and where he was let alone who he was.

The Soldier’s behavior was often erratic, at times closed off and guarded, blank but submissive. At other times he was frantic and psychotic, hallucinating and screaming in Russian while gripped in sever panic attacks, unable to understand or process the raw emotions accompanied by the flood of unfamiliar memories and disjointed thoughts. Then there were the times, usually after a violent or fear driven episode, where he was almost child like, eyes full of wonder and curiosity for the world around him. He often flinched away from touch or remained ridged and unresponsive, but when he was in the state of innocent bewilderment, he sought out the comfort, slowly leaning into Steve who would gently and carefully wrap his arms around him, rubbing his back and stroking his hair. At first it was only Steve he sought physical comfort from but over the past week he had began testing the boundaries with the other residents of the Avenger’s tower and they had each in turn offered a hug, a pat on the back, stroke of his cheek or arm. It was a painfully slow process but there was some progress, and each day the Soldier seemed a little more human and a little less mechanical.

Steve glanced up at the barren walls of the empty room, sighing at the various dents and broken plaster from some of Bucky’s more destructive tantrums. Stark had reassured the Captain that the damage was not a big deal and it was better to let him fight the walls then lash out violently against innocent bystanders when he was suffering. Steve swallowed down the anxious thought that cramped his gut and turned his stomach. What If Bucky never got any better?.... What if the Soldier was all that was left? He rolled his shoulders and shook his head as he straitened his posture. It didn’t really matter if Bucky never got any better because he was in pain and in need of Steve’s unconditional care and support, something the Captain had explained to the other Avengers was not just his duty and responsibility, but what Bucky deserved after years of loyal and faithful friendship. Bucky was his brother, sane or not, dangerous or broken, strong or weak, Steve would be there for him now and forever. 

The Captain stood up again and offered a practiced smile beneath tired but hopeful eyes as he nodded at the Soldier who exited the bathroom but remained in the doorway, head down and flesh arm holding his metal one that was ridged and drawn to his side. The dark haired man was biting his lip and staring hard off to the side before bringing his troubled expression up toward Steve who was walking toward him slowly, with open and relaxed body language. Steve stopped a few feet away, hands at his side, fingers twitching as he fought the urge to reach out to his long lost friend who in many ways was still lost, his mind seeming to drift constantly before snagging on the jagged edges of his most painful memories.

“Good Morning Bucky……. How did you sleep?” It was his usually greeting to the former Hydra Assassin who had at first regarded him with unease and suspicion but now simply nodded with out a word, eyes still staring hard at nothing, but focused, his brow crumpled in concentration. Steve had learned to decipher the complex and subtle expressions and moods of the unstable Soldier and could tell he was wrestling with a confusing thought or disjointed memory, likely distorted by his intensely graphic and violent nightmares. According to the Intel Nat had gathered, The Soldier had not been allowed to sleep during missions, fed a concoction of drugs that Bruce had angrily referred to as a Super Soldier version of Crystal Meth and PCP laced with mood stabilizers to keep him compliant. The powerful drug cocktail had kept him awake and filled with adrenaline, unfazed by pain or fatigue. They had also discovered through research that The Soldier ‘s mind had been wiped after every mission before being stuck back in cryofreez where his mind was locked in a dreamless unconscious state. Because of this the Soldier was not only confused by his body’s need for sleep but also the terrifyingly real but often strange and perplexing dreams that consisted of forgotten memories mixed with fear and pain. It was a lot for the amnesic Assassin to take in and he already requested twice for maintenance to turn off the dreams, becoming sullen and agitated when Bruce and Sam explained why they couldn’t.

The Soldier glanced up at Steve with an anxious and pained expression as he searched Steve’s familiar face and wrestled with his need for help but his fear of expressing himself. Steve smiled gently, opening his arms to invite his friend into a comforting embrace. Bucky’s eyes darted toward the Captain’s arms, then up to his face before letting out a strangled sigh and closing distance tentatively, small shuffling steps bringing him forward until he pressed him self lightly against Steve’s strong chest, forehead on the Captain’s collar bone as he shook slightly with unspoken anguish. Steve slowly and very gently brought his arms up to encase his best friend, one hand on the trembling man’s back as his other hand rubbed through thick, chestnut locks of hair.

“It’s okay Bucky,…….. Your safe,……. You can tell me……. What did you see?” Steve asked with his same soothing tone, voice even and presence grounding. He held the Soldier with strong, supportive arms that did not restrain him or keep him in place but rather helped him stay on his feet. After several long minutes of silence, The Soldier stepped back slightly, his flesh arm still griping his metal arm, pinning it to his side as if afraid it was a bomb that could explode and injure anyone around him. He let out a raspy breath and then timidly rose his eyes toward Steve as he licked his lips.

“I…….. was him……. From before…..” The Asset’s voice was a whisper, tone quivering slightly as he again looked off to the side with a contemplative frown. Steve nodded but internally cringed, still feeling uncomfortable with his friend thinking of himself as not Bucky, as if he was once but no longer was or could be, a notion Steve constantly wanted to challenge but was advised by Sam to leave alone so as not to add more pressure to the already unhinge man.

“Okay.” Steve encouraged as he rest a hand on Bucky’s flesh shoulder. The Winter Soldier looked at Steve’s hand then up to his Handler with an unreadable expression.

“You were there,…… smaller,…….not a child but,…..young…..adolescent……. Smiling at him…..” The Asset studied Steve’s face in reflective thought as he brought his flesh hand up, fingers hesitating by Steve’s mouth before very softly ghosting over his lips. Steve breath caught, lips parted slightly as he reminded himself to remain still. Bucky took his hand away from Steve’s lips and placed it on the man’s chest, his head tilted in remembrance. “He was laughing at…… a drawling……….in a book……… it was your book……… you had many drawling’s.” The Soldier nodded to himself, eyes distant before coming back to Steve’s face, searching to see if this was true. Steve smiled again and nodded.

“My sketch book,……. I drew all the time.” Steve confirmed, feeling a surge of hope in his heart.

“The drawling,…… it was of,……. an old man,……. He was asleep,……… at a desk…… with his mouth open.” The Asset looked at Steve with a strange expression before his lips curled up in the barest hint of a smile, one of only a few Steve had seen. Steve’s face broke into a broad grin as he nodded, eyes shinning with happiness.

“Yes,……Yes!..... I remember that drawling,……. It was of Mr. Henderson our high school History teacher!...... He was always falling asleep in class and snoring!....... You use to crumple up paper and throw it at him until he woke up and would demand to know who was doing it and we would all just laugh!” Steve beamed at the remembrance as he nodded emphatically at Bucky. The Soldier’s smile grew a fraction at seeing the delight in Steve’s eyes before it faltered and his eyes dropped, a frown over his face.

“The pages,…….. they started turning,……. Fast…….. He looked up and,……. You were gone,…….. “ His breathing hitched and his voice broke with a pained growl as he shut his eyes tight. “He was me…… and the book………it was empty,……..but then………. The pages turned red,…….blood,……….and fire, smoke, screaming……..” The Soldier’s voice caught in his throat as his chest grew tight and a trembled racked through his body, head hung. Steve’s face dropped as he once more pulled his friend into his warm embrace, offering comfort and reassurance.

They remained still for a while longer as Steve promised the Soldier it was alright and reminded him that sometimes memories and dreams merged together. After a few more shaky breaths the Soldier stepped back again with a swallow and nod, expression tense and gaze still down cast.

“Common Bucky,………. It is time to get dressed,…….. today is special.” Steve spoke with forced cheer and a smile that hid his heart ach. The Soldier looked up at him with a questioning glance and wariness. 

“It’s okay!” Steve promised again as he ran his hand through his friends messy locks, smoothing down the bead head hair do. “Today is your Birthday James Buchanan Barnes!...........The day you where born!” Steve clarified when The Soldier cocked an eyebrow in confusion.

“The day,……. Of birth?” The Soldier questioned with uncertainty as he tried to process the significance.

“Yes Bucky,…….. You where born March 10, 1917, Ninety-eight years ago today!...... But Dr, Banner said you are biologically closer to 28……… Which means now I am two years older then you Jerk!” Steve explained with a soft, affectionate expression as he squeezed his shoulder. The Soldier looked at his Handler with a thoughtful expression then nodded his understanding before hesitantly responding with a timid whisper.

“Punk.” He mumbled as he watched Steve’s face light up the way it had two weeks ago when the Asset had first asked Captain America why James Barnes had called him “Punk.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

 

They had all been waiting in the common dinning area, a breakfast spread of every kind of tasty delight set out buffet style with a large “Happy Birthday” Banner handing from the ceiling. Natasha was sipping on a mimosa next to Clint and Bruce who each enjoyed their coffees. Sam was debating with Stark over weather the display would be too overwhelming for the recovering POW when Jarvis announced that Captain Rogger’s and Sgt. Barnes had entered the elevator heading to the common area.

“No time to change it now Bird man!...... Jarvis que the music!” Tony shrugged with a smirk as 1930’s Big band music erupted into the room, every one looking up at the ceiling with amusement.

“Jarvis,….. please turn the music down a few levels!” Sam sighed as he shook his head and Jarvis politely obliged, the music becoming more background and less abrasive. They all turned with expectant looks but calm stillness as Steve stepped into the room first, his face surprised and then uncertain as he looked at the banner and over to Toney and Sam with a raised eye brow.

“I tried to tell him it was too much!” Sam through his hands up and Tony huffed and rolled his eyes. Steve sighed and shook his head but then turned behind him with a soft smile, and an out stretched hand as the Solider took cautious steps forward, peering around the corner, wide eyes scanning the occupants of the room and the decorations before stepping fully into the doorway. With Steve’s hand on his back he allowed himself to be guided into the room, his expression tense and focused as he looked every were at once before looking directly at each of them, his posture ridged and fists clenched. He held his head up and in a clear and direct voice made his statement.

“Sgt. James Buchannan Barnes was born on March 10th in the year 1917,………. Today is the yearly reoccurrence of that date which is used to determine the human ageing process…… This body has been alive for 98 years but the ageing process has been delayed due to the process of Cryogenics………… He is,…… I am,…. 28 years old.” His voice faltered slightly when he considered himself and the identity of James Barnes, looking away but then up toward Steve who rubbed his back and smiled with a nod beneath emotional eyes. The Soldier swallowed and turned as Natasha approached him with slow, easy steps, her smile warm and body language non-threatening. She took his flesh hand in hers and leaned forward giving him a soft kiss on his cheek.

“Happy Birthday!” She spoke with a calm, soothing voice that communicated it was alright that he still did not think of himself as Bucky or Sgt. Barnes. She stepped back and pulled him further into the room as they each offered birthday greetings before Stark excitedly pointed out the array of breakfast delights, the Soldier’s eyes large as he licked his lips. 

Steve smiled happily as he took a bite of his Belgian waffle then laughed as Bucky followed his example taking a large bite of his own, managing to get whip cream on the end of his noise in the process. The others all shared amused chuckles as Natasha smiled and used her napkin to whip it off for him. He looked at her and the others with a shy smile then attacked the stake of strawberry’s and cream with more caution, taking his time to chew slowly and savor the taste the way Sam had instructed. 

When they had first found him injured and mentally unstable, mumbling Russian gibberish under the bridge, it had been obvious that he wasn’t eating, his muscular frame wiry and his skin pale and gaunt. After knocking him out and bringing him back to the tower, Bruce had started him on an IV and remarked how his stomach was low in natural acids needed to break down and digest food, suggesting that Hydra had been giving him nutrition supplements instead of actual food. The realization had been just one of many sickening discoveries and Sam offered support when Steve attempted to introduce the psychotically troubled Soldier to the act of consuming food while Bruce provided medical supervision to prevent Refeeding Syndrome. They had modeled the act of chewing and swallowing and then shown him a diagram of how the digestive process worked. The Soldier had followed their instruction with confused apprehension, drinking protein shakes and eating small slices of peanut butter and banana. Once he was no longer starving, he was introduced to an array of flavors and textures, the experience of eating both new and exciting and at times leading to big bites and not enough chewing.

After breakfast Steve and the other’s lead Bucky down the hall toward a room that had been Pepper’s Yoga and polities studio on the rare occasions she was in town and staying at the Tower. Steve explained to the Soldier that because Birthdays where so special and only once a year, it was common for friends to give each other gifts. The Soldier looked from Steve to the others with a guarded expression, before looking to the closed door they had stopped in front of and tilting his head to the side. Hanging on the door was a simple yellow sign with dark blue writing. It read, “Company Welcomed.” The Soldier examined the sign and then Steve flipped it over and showed him the reverse side that read, “ Please Do Not Disturb.” The Captain then explained to Bucky that this was going to be his own private space and he could use either side of the sign for when he wanted friends to come in or if he needed some time to be alone. The Soldier regarded the sign but said nothing before nodding once that he understood.

“Go ahead,……. Open the door.” Steve smiled and nodded with encouragement, the others standing near by with calm expressions but expectant eyes. The Soldier looked at them all and then the door for a moment longer before reaching out to turn the knob. When he stepped through the thresh hold he stopped abruptly and took a gasping breath, eyes wide with surprise.

The walls of the room where painted a soft yellow with light blue trim and evenly spaced all around the room were large poster size photos lamented and bordered with several smaller photos. In one corner of the room was a record player with a large shelve of records from the 1930’s and 40’s. Next to it was a large T.V screen that was linked up to a Stark Tablet and another case of movies with three rows, one labeled “Movies You Watched from Before”, another “Movies You have Not Seen,” and the last “Documentary’s about Your History.” The Soldier looked from that corner to another where a mound of bean bag chairs, pillows and blankets faced the rest of the room and the T.V. There was another several shelves that were lined with an assortment of books from classic Fiction to Non-Fiction History, Science and Art as well as a section of biography’s and autobiography’s about Captain America, the Howling Commando’s and Sgt. James Buchannan Barnes. 

A few feet away was a machine that had several buttons next to pictures of different drinks, warm and cold with a stack of reusable plastic cups and a disposal slide that Stark explained lead to the kitchen sink. There was also a mini fridge and when the Soldier approached it he stopped and looked back at Steve for permission, receiving a nod of affirmation. He opened the door and inside was a multitude of fruits and tasty snakes he had identified as enjoyable over the past month of learning to eat.

The Soldier shut the door and looked at the other’s blinking rapidly as he opened his mouth and then closed it again, eyes looking everywhere at once, breathing escalated. Steve approached him slowly and rest a hand on his shoulder, using the other to hold the side of his friend’s face to help him focus.

“This is your space Bucky,…… This is your Memory Room, a place you can go when you want to try and remember or when you get confused and everything feels like to much.” Steve offered, searching the Soldier’s pensive expression to see if he understood. After a long pause Steve continued, understanding the Soldier did not have words at the moment, his breathing rapid as he continued to look around the room. Steve took his best friend’s hand and guided him toward the music, explaining the purpose and demonstrating how to use the record machine. He encouraged the Soldier to select a record and with slight hesitation, he reached out and pulled an album with a woman smiling in a fancy dress.

“Marlene Dietrich!” Steve beamed as he carefully removed the vinyl and demonstrated how to play it. “Your Mother use to play music in the morning when she cooked breakfast!” Steve stated with a fond gleam in his eye as the sound of a soft, melodic voice filtered through the room. The Soldier watched the record spin with wide eyes, mouth slightly open and a slight tremor running through him. Steve studied him and then placed a hand on his back. “You okay Bucky?” He asked with concern. The Soldier let out a breath as he blinked again and turned toward Steve with astonishment and disbelief.

“I…..I remember!........This,……… her voice,……I……” The Soldier exhaled as his eyes grew distant and unfocused, lost in a memory. Steve knew the look and felt his breath catch in hope that Bucky would reclaim another piece of himself. After a long moment the Soldier blinked rapidly and took in a gasp of air before jerking his head around, eyes franticly searching the walls of photos, scanning the familiar faces from a past he struggled to grasp as his own. He took a few steps away from Steve then stopped again as he looked back toward his Handler for permission, once more receiving a patient nod. With a sense of urgency the Soldier crossed the room and stopped directly in front of one of the large black and white photos of a woman with kind eyes and a crocked smile, full lips and dark brown hair curled in the style of the day. 

The Soldier let out a choked sound as his body shook again, hand slowly reaching toward the face of the woman he knew but fought to remember. His fingers lightly touched the smooth photo’s surface as if he could feel her skin, hands trembling as his eyes grew wet, breath quivering.

“Do you know who that is Bucky?” Steve asked gently as he stood a few feet behind him with a tentative smile.

“Mother?” The Soldier’s voice was choked with emotion, unable to look away from the face that brought on such intense feelings he thought his knees may give out.

“Yes Bucky,…….. That is your Mother.” Steve’s voice was strong and affirming, with a slight breathless sound that hinted at his own emotional response. There was a shared breath and respectful silence as the others smiled with genuine and heartfelt awe at the once feared Hydra Assassin’s realization that he had known the love of a mother. Steve stood a few feet away watching as the Soldier shook with labored breath and wide, desperate eyes as he studied the photo, inching closer until he finally let out a whimpered cry and pressed his forehead to the photo, wrapping his arms around himself.

“He called her Maw,…….. She called him her Blue Eyed Boy,……” The Soldier cryed as he stepped back, tears staining his cheeks turning toward Steve and the other’s with a look of amazement and tremendous need, like a thirty man who finally had his first sip of water

“Blue eyes,….. like her’s!” He pointed at the face he now knew, looking at Steve and then back at the picture before hugging himself again with a mouth that was open and gasping and eyes that wept from the intense feelings that accompanied the whirlwind of memories.

“Blue eyes like yours Bucky,……. You were her Blue Eyed Boy,…….. She was YOUR Mother,…….. And she loved you so much!” Steve felt his voice crack, tears welling up in his eyes even as a bright smile was plastered on his face. He took another step forward and placed a firm hand on his friends shaking shoulder. The Asset looked back at his Handler with a torrent of emotions pouring from his eyes, whole body shaking as he was griped with the realization.

“My Mother,…… My Maw!........ I was her Son!” The Soldier’s voice broke as he folded into Steve’s arms with a shattered cry of relief and sorrow, joy at remembering and pain from the loss. “I was her Son!....... She…..she loved me!” The Soldier stuttered as he buried his face in Steve’s strong chest, arms still wrapped around himself and shaking even as Steve held him tight. The others watched with empathy and Stark sighed as he picked up a beautifuly wrapped box and cleared his throat.

Steve held Bucky protectively, as he looked at Stark with questioning eyes then at the package.

“Well Captain Tear Jerker,…. I was going to wait but now seems like a good time so……” He held the box out toward the Soldier who had turned to face him, eyes round and wet and breathing staggered as he struggled to process the onslaught of feelings and thoughts that raced through him as he tried to remembered his mother. With a shaky hand and blinking eyes he accepted the box then examined it before looking at Steve for guidance.

“Open it up Bucky,….. it is a present for your Birthday,….. just like this room is yours now.” Steve smiled as he wiped his own tear blurred vision and nodded. The Soldier knelt down on the floor in the middle of the room and began to carefully open the present, still breathing with choked sounds of emotion as his body trembled. He opened the box and instantly he went still before taking a sharp intake of breath, flesh hand gripping the soft, faded with age, blue and white quilt that smelled like lavender,…. Like his mother. He pulled it to his face and chest as he breathed in the scent with a desperate cry then looked up at Stark with confusion. Behind him Steve covered his mouth and looked wide eyed at familiar quilt then up at Stark with disbelief.

“Toney!..... How?” Steve stammered as he too knelt down next to Bucky who was clutching the quilt with all his might and breathing in the scent like he would dye with out it.  
“ I have my ways Rogers,…… But really,….. it was all Pepper…. She remembered watching a documentary about you golden boys where the Dear Mrs. Barnes was talking about how she made him a blue quilt when he was born to match his eyes and how he always slept with it up until he went to war.” Stark shrugged nonchalantly as if he hadn’t hired over a dozen people to track down every piece of memorabilia and personal effects of the Barnes’ family that had been auctioned off and scattered over the past 70 years.

“And the perfume?” Natasha asked as she watched Steve pick up the antique looking bottle from inside the box that had been sprayed on the beloved quilt.

“Sam told me that when he asked Cap about calming senses he had mentioned Barnes’ mother wore lavender perfume. I simply looked up the most popular lavender perfume sold during the 1930’s in New York and purchased the patent then had my Cologne company whip up a batch,….. the bottle is an antique though from the original company.” Stark again spoke casually as if it was no big deal. Steve huffed a laugh as he shook his head and then helped Bucky wrap the quilt around him self as the overwhelmed Soldier hid himself in the what felt like his mother’s loving embrace.

“Wow!” Sam did a slow Clap as Tony raised a glass in salute.

“You have your own cologne?” Hawkeye asked with a bark of a laugh.

“Yup,…. Smells like success!” Tony smirked as Natasha and Bruce both rolled their eyes. 

Steve simply smiled from his position on the floor, arms around Bucky as he pressed himself against Steve, completely wrapped up in his mother’s hand made quilt. The Soldier was overcome with emotion and sensory overload, memories of his mother consuming his conscious mind and he let himself become lost in it as he cried with the first real smile breaking through beneath his gasping sobs.

“She was my mother!” His voice was raspy and choked but full of relief. “I…… Know her,….. I remember her Steve!” Bucky cried out from within the quilt, curled in Steve’s strong and comforting embrace. The other’s watched the heart wrenching scene and even Stark had to wipe his eyes.

 

“Yes Bucky,……… You remember, You know her,…….” Steve smiled as he shifted the quilted figure up into a sitting position to face him. The Captain nodded with an earnest expression as he used one hand to wipe the tears from Bucky’s shocked face, eyes wide and lips trembling. “…And you know me!,……..You know all these people!” Steve smiled with fond hope as he kept one arm around his friend’s shaking form and the other gestured toward the multiple photos on the wall. “ And once you remember them,…….. You’ll remember you too!...... You will know who you are James Buchanan Barnes!” Steve sighed with sincerity as Bucky once more pressed himself tight against Steve, still breathing heavily with wide eyed amazement as he looked all around him at the faces from a past that was HIS to remember.

It took almost an hour of Sam and Steve helping him to calm down by taking deep breaths in the pillow corner and drinking a tart cup of pomegranate juice before the Soldier was once more grounded in the present. He focused his concentration on Natasha, sill wrapped securely in his quilt as she explained a game she and Clint had created to help him remember. On large laminated index cards was written in simple handwriting, the name of each person pictured on the walls and a brief description of how, when and where Bucky knew them. The first name he picked was his mother, Winnifred Barnes, reading the card and the description of her with a soft, reverent voice, as if reciting a prayer. He carefully placed the card beneath her picture and smiled up at her, eyes still shinning bright as he wrapped the lavender fragrance around him securely.

The next was his father, a man who grinned in the photo with a mischievous wink and Irish charm that his son had inherited. The Soldier stood with his head tilted and brow crumpled pensive as he stared hard at the photo for a long stretch. After a few more patient moments Steve cleared his throat.

“What do you remember Bucky?” Steve asked with an expectant smile. The soldier turned toward his handler with a frown then pointed at the picture.

“He was Strong,…… had big hands,…… covered in …. grease?” Bucky half stated and half asked. Steve considered his statement and nodded.

“Yup,…… he worked for one of the best automobile manufacturer’s of our time, Pierce-Arrow Motor Car Company…… You loved cars and he would take us both out to see the new models at the car shows…… You were awful proud because the cars your father was working on were the ones owned by movie stars and all the rich folks.” Steve smiled with a nod. The Asset consider the information then looked back at the picture of his father, taking another step forward and studying the man before suddenly backing away blinking as he shook his head. He swallowed and looked at Steve biting his lip then back at the picture of his father before moving away from it and toward his mother.

“What is it Bucky?” Steve asked with a confused expression and Bucky glared at the photo of his father then away again.

“He made her cry…….. Yelled,……. Hurt!” The Soldier hissed as he placed himself between the two photos as if trying to protect his mother from the image of his father. Steve let out a deep breath and glanced at Sam who had a questioning look. The Captain swallowed and looked back at the Soldier who was still glaring at the photo of his father with his fists clenched, quilt wrapped around him like a cloak.

“You father was a good man Bucky,…… But he had an Irish temper and …… he was a mean drunk…… but it wasn’t always like that.” Steve tried to console but the Soldier shook his head, eyes narrow as his face was dark and menacing.

“He yelled,…… scared Maw and the little girl,…. Made them cry!” The Soldier insisted before he looked over at the picture of his Sister, a beautiful teenager, the picture surrounded by smaller photos of her at different ages. “She was little,………. Maw held her and he broke the dishes……….. I was mad,….. but not strong,…….. we fought……He won…… made me leave………I was injured……..” The Soldier swallowed, speaking in first person as he relived the intense memory, eyes burning with anger and humility and shame. He turned toward Steve, looking hurt and confused and furious. “It was raining,…… I came to you…….. You helped me.” He stated flatly and shook his head looking back at the photo of his father. “He hurt me,…… like Hydra!” The Soldier whispered with seething anger and Steve instantly stepped forward with urgency causing the Soldier to flinch back.

“NO!.........” Steve stopped and held up his hands, catching himself as he took in his friend’s defensive stance. The Captain swallowed and gathered his thoughts. “He wasn’t like Hydra Bucky,….. I know he hurt you that night,………. It got really bad for a little while,………He,…… Your father lost his job in 1933,…when the Great Depression hit nobody could afford to buy fancy cars anymore…… He got depressed and your Maw had to find work and he started drinking more……. You where 16 and wanted to protect your Maw and sister,…… Becca.” Steve sighed as he pointed at the picture of the girl as The Soldier looked at her and blinked with recognition as if just realizing the connection she had to his family. “You tried to stand up to him and he gave you a bad beating and kicked you out…….” Steve was trying to explain the memory in context but before he could finish the Soldier nodded looking away and speaking in a tone that was low and dangerous.

“He said ‘You aren’t the man of this house,……I will teach you to be a man,….. Get a job and don’t come back until you can pay your own way!’ The Soldier turned back toward Steve with a look of anguish. “ He taught me to be a man through pain,….. just as Hydra taught me to be a weapon.” Bucky spoke with certainty as he glared again at the photo and muttered a curse in Russian. 

“No Buck,….. I swear to you,…. He was nothing like Hydra,….. he made a mistake,….. he wasn’t thinking strait!..........A few months later he sobered up and begged you to come home,…….. you had quite school and started working at the docks but he apologized and promised he’d quite drinking…… He got a decent job at Crystler and you moved back in with your folks and I helped you catch up on school that summer so you wouldn’t be held back a grade……. It all got better Bucky,….. it was just bad for a little while,…… Sometimes people make mistakes,…. They don’t know how to deal with their anger and so they hurt others.” Steve sighed as he closed distance, placing a hand on Bucky’s shoulder as the confused and uncertain blue eyes looked from the photo to Steve with a pensive frown.

“People aren’t perfect Bucky,….. Nobody is,…….. and you forgave him for hurting you and so did your Maw and sister……. Your family got through it together,… Please don’t let that memory hold you back from remembering all the good your Father did…… He loved you Bucky,….. Just like yer Maw did!” Steve tried to convince his friend with a hopeful twist of his lips and a reassuring nod as he squeezed his flesh shoulder. Bucky huffed and glanced at the photo then back to Steve with a reluctant nod.

“I have caused more pain to more people then he did,….. and I want to be forgiven…..” The Soldier spoke softly, with his head lowered, eyes peering up at Steve who offered a sad smile and nod before pressing their foreheads together.

“We all make mistakes Bucky,…. But lucky for us we get a second chance.” Steve held Bucky’s head and then stepped back with a nod.

“Well Steve,….. are their any other bombshell’s from the past we need to be warned about before this game continues?” Natasha sighed with one eyebrow up.

“I am going to suggest we take a break from this journey down memory lane and let the Buckster play at his own speed and in his own time!” Stark opened his arms and the others nodded in agreement as Steve sighed and swallowed, realizing that perhaps trying to trigger Bucky to remember all the important people from his past in one day was over presumptuous.

“That sound okay to you Bucky?” Steve asked and The Soldier stepped back into the center of the room and looked around at all of the photo’s with a determined expression.

“I have a mission.” He stated with certainty before turning to face his Hander,……No, His Friend. “I will remember my past,……. I will know my self as James Buchanan Barnes,…………. I will no longer be an Asset by the next time we celebrate the date of my birth.” He nodded in affirmation of his self appointed mission, feeling a sense of purpose and security in knowing he had a specific objective, a time line to complete it in and the resources and support to ensure he would succeed. He looked at Steve for validation and received a gentle nod and smile of encouragement, the others offering the same. Despite the enormity of the task and the tremendous uncertainty and unknown, he felt relief that at least he was sure of one thing. 

He was not alone. 

 

 

There will be a second Chapter! Please Review


	2. A Year Older

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birth Day Bucky Barnes!...... Part 2
> 
>  
> 
> Authors note: Thank you for reading and reviewing. This is the second part of this story. Hope you enjoy!

His eyes shot open with a muted choke, blinking rapidly, body tense as he jerked his head to the left, arms already reaching for his knife. He blinked, startled, as his hands gasped at nothing while his eyes landed on a familiar face that regarded him with a patient smile just out of arm’s reach. He held his breath as he struggled to recognize where he was and why. After another moment his expression softened and he let out a shaky breath followed by a low groan as he squeezed his exhausted eyes tight, before rubbing them and then stretching his neck and sitting up straight in the reclined chair.

“Just landed,………You got almost a solid 45 minutes of shut eye Barnes!......... Not bad.” Natasha smirked at him as she handed him back his holster that had on it his knives, guns and grappling hook.

“Gee,…. Thanks Doll!” Bucky snickered and she rolled her eyes and plucked him on his forehead.

“It’s not the 1940’s anymore Sgt,……. And I am not a DOLL!” She gave him an amused smile and shake of her head as she headed for the exit ramp of the Avenger’s plane. 

Hawk Eye walked up to Bucky who had stood up and slung the holster belt over his shoulder as they watched her exit.

“I still can’t believe you get away with calling her that…… I have seen her knock out guys for less!” Barton chuckled as he patted Bucky on the back.

“Well, …… it must be that Irish charm of mine then!” Bucky winked at Clint with a grin and shrug.

“Hey Buck,… Sleep well?” The Captain walked from the front of the plane into the back with a hopeful expression that made Bucky sigh and shake his head in mild annoyance and frustration. He looked at Steve then to Clint who smirked and patted his back before heading out of the plane.

“Yea Steve,….. I slept fine!...... And I keep telling ya to stop worrying that stupid noggin about it!......... I am a grown man and I don’t need a momma Hen to fuss after me Punk!” Bucky grumbled as he fixed Steve with a stern look. The Captain shrugged sheepishly with a lopsided smile, arms crossed over his Red, White and Blue clade uniform.

“Ya know,… I keep telling Pepper the same thing!” Tony raised his eyebrows and nodded sympathetically at Bucky, his Ironman face mask pulled back. He rest a hand on Steve’s shoulder and pouted before ruffling the blonde’s short hair. “It’s those Type A personalities, always so busy worrying about us rule brakers and hell raisers!” Stark exchange a smile with Bucky as Steve huffed and shoved Starks hand away before smoothing down his hair. 

“Well when it comes to you Tony,… I tend to agree with them!” Sam offered as Stark simply shrugged and heading out of the plan and into the Avenger’s tower, letting Jarvis help him remove the outside layers of his suite.

“But any sleep you get is good!........ Especially after the Ass kicking you dished out last night!...... I was exhausting just watching you!!!” The Falcon grinned as he held up his hand for a high Five, then drew the Sgt. in for a hug and pat on the back. Bucky smiled with a nod of thanks as he looked down with a chuckle before looking back over toward Steve. Thor walked up next to the Captain with his own nod of respect and recognition toward Sargent Barnes.

“Yes James son of Barnes,……. I am most impressed with your bravery and skill in the field of battle…… I had been told by The Captain and our fellow Avengers how you are greatly accomplished in the art of warfare and that your accuracy with fire arms was rivaled by your ability with hand to hand combat…… It was a great honor to have you with us in this fight.” Thor spoke with a hearty smile and grin, Bucky offering his own small, shy smile and a salute.

“Well if Stevie had told me when I was a kid that THOR GOD OF THUDER was real and that one day I would be watching his six during a fight against Alien robots,…….. I would’ve thought he was off his rocker!” Bucky chuckled as he walked over and shook Thor’s hand before punching Steve in the shoulder.

“Trust me Buck, I haven’t gotten use to it myself!” Steve huffed a laugh as the four men headed out of the plane. They made their way through the hanger and into the common area where Pepper greeted them with a smile and a tray of smoothies. Her strawberry blond hair shown brightly in the mid morning sunlight from the large shatter proof glass windows.

“Good Morning Boys!........... Tony said the Mission went well?” She asked handing them each a glass as they nodded to her in thanks.

“It went better then expected actually and we all came back uninjured for a change!” Steve sighed tiredly as he took the drink with a smile and gulped it down, ready for some shuteye.

“That is a relief!” Pepper beamed as she looked over at Bucky with kind eyes. He nodded as he gulped down his protein shake then sighed.

“It definitely felt good being out there,…….. Especially after being inactive for so long.” Bucky mused as he smirked at Steve’s knowing look, Sam and Thor both exchanging looks as well. It was no secret that Bucky had been asking Steve to let him go out on missions with the team since the very first few days after being brought to the tower for the purpose of recovery from Hydra. At first it had been the Winter Soldier insisting that his functionality as an Asset should be utilized by his Handler’s and that his purpose was to be a weapon. Steve, Sam and the others had adamantly refused to let him go as they were more concerned with his mental stability and physical heath then his tactical abilities in the field. 

Slowly, and over the course of several months, The Soldier had been steadily regaining his memories as James Buchannan Barnes thanks to the efforts of the Avenger’s and his own determined need to reclaim his true identity and sense of self. The healing process had been slow and painful, at times the grief and agony all consuming as Bucky struggled against Hydra’s programing and his shattered memories, sifting through graphically violent flashbacks and glimpses of a life long forgotten that seemed more a fantasy then a once lived reality. Some days were better then others and with his biochemistry no longer battling with drawls, his mind was able to clear, delusions and hallucinations no longer adding to his muddled confusion. With patience and support from Steve and his new friends, the Man who had been Hydra’s Winter Soldier for so long was finally once again able to think of him self as Sargent Barnes, best friend of Steven Grant Rogers. 

After months of begging and pleading to return to active duty, Steve had at last relented and agreed to let Bucky join the Avenger’s on a mission against a cybernetic virus from a different world that had hijacked some of Stark’s tech and was self replicating. There were no human targets and no civilians to worry about, just a small army of robotic creatures that functioned like ants controlled by one consciousness. Bucky had been on Sniper duty with Hawk Eye, Sam checking in with them as he and Stark ran interference from above and Captain America, Black Widow and Thor took out droids on the ground. It took them all by surprise when one of robots used a magnetic vibration to cause a small, localized earth quake and landslide. The hill Bucky and Clint where perched on gave way and Sam grabbed the falling Archer as Bucky launched himself into the air, using his metal arm to grab onto Tony quickly as Ironman darted around falling rocks to bring him out of harms way. 

It was at that point that Bucky was able to use his expect abilities in hand to hand combat against the hordes of robotic androids, fighting with his back to Steve’s just like when they where back in the War, over run by Hydra Nazis. It was a lethal dance, fluid and graceful to watch and as the number of robotic AI’s rapidly decreased, Thor and the others stood back with respect and aw at how well the Sargent and Captain complimented each other’s fighting styles, one blending into the other until there was not a robot left. Both time lost vets were grinning and painting as Steve wrapped an arm over Bucky’s shoulder with a nostalgic gleam in his eyes and a proud nod.  
As they headed toward their living quarters Steve hid a smile as he looked over at Bucky then away. Each man had his own bed room and bathroom attached to a large sweet with a living room, and kitchen. The sweet had been lived in by Steve since first coming to the Avenger’s tower but Bucky had only recently moved into the other bed room a few months earlier, finally convinced that he would no longer pose a threat to Steve when waking up disoriented and violent, fighting against the phantoms of his past. 

Bucky glanced up at Steve just as the other man looked away and he rolled his eyes and again punched his arm

“What?!” The Sargent huffed as he walked through the door way into their mutual living space. Steve just shrugged and grinned as he set down his shield before heading toward his own room, a quiet smile on his face.

“STEVE!” Bucky sighed, exasperated from across the room by his own bedroom door way. Steve stopped and turned around, offering his friend a tired but genuine smile beneath eyes that shown with relief.

“You did good today Sgt!...... I am glad to have you back at my side!” Steve offered with a proud smile and nod. Bucky huffed and laughed shaking his head before he offered Steve a salute. 

“Thanks Cap!......... Now get some rest Punk,….. and quite worrying about me!” Bucky chided as he opened his bedroom door.

“I will, as long as you do the same Jerk!” Steve yawned and Bucky nodded, smirking to himself as he entered his bedroom and began removing his navy blue combat gear, a hot shower calling his name. 

As he stepped under the spray of hot water he let his mind wander, contemplating how he had reacted a little over a year ago when he had first been given a hot bath by Steve. The warmth of the water and smell of the soap had been so foreign to him and yet soothing even as he struggled against Steve and the heavy feeling of the sedative that Clint had shot him with. At the time he was not Bucky, just a scared and confused Asset, sick from withdrawal and lack of nutrition. He fought out of instinct and desperation, uncomprehending the kindness and care they were offering. His clouded and painfully distorted thoughts had assumed Steve was trying to drown him and it wasn’t until his exhaustion and the sedative had become too much for his malnourished and weakened state, that the Winter Soldier had finally stopped struggling, laying limp and trembling, exposed and vulnerable in the warm soapy tub, head supported above the water by his target turned Handler. The Asset had wheezed congested breaths, eyes narrow and untrusting as his body shook, muscles worthless after weeks with out nutritional intake and the stabilizing drugs Hydra had fed him. Steve had spoken to him softly and gently, kind eyes searching for his friend beneath the lost and fearful Winter Soldier.

Bucky let out a sigh as he turned off the water and stepped out into the steamy bathroom, wiping the fogged, glass mirror with his flesh hand as he stared hard at his reflection. Most days were better now, he knew himself, he knew his friends and he was able to remain focused and in the present, instead of dragged back into the darkness of a hellish flash back. Yet even now, his hair cut short, face shaved and looking almost like he did in the 1940’s, even after all this time, he still struggled to see himself when he dared to look at his own reflection. He gazed up at the mirror and searched his blue eyes for recognition of that smooth talking boy with Brooklyn charm and a glimmer of mischief in his eyes. Bucky sighed and looked away with a grimace, seeing only the cold, dead eyes of the Winter Solider staring back at him, full of pain and grief. 

He had asked them to cut his hair a month or so after he had begun spending time in the memory room, wrapped in his mother’s quilt, starring hard at the photos around him as he pushed his healing mind to grasp onto the fragments of his past. The sudden need to cut his long locks of brown hair had occurred to him after a long, fitful episode of memory recovery. Steve had found him shaking and sobbing in the middle of the floor, quilt wrapped around him as he released guttural cries of rage and despair. The Captain had shown up moments after Jarvis had notified him that Sargent Barnes was in distress. With gentle urgency Steve sunk to his knees pulling Bucky into his arms and speaking with calm authority as he ordered the Soldier to breath. They had stayed like that for almost an hour until at last the Asset’s breathing had steadied and he sat up blinking wide, wet eyes at his hander. The Soldier spoke in a trembling and timid voice as he asked if he would be permitted to cut his hair. Steve had smiled at him with sad eyes and a nod, explaining once more how the Soldier did not need permission to change his appearance, that he was in control of his own body and no one else. The Asset had nodded as if understanding but they both knew he didn’t, not really. 

Now, all these months later and Bucky was finally the one in control. He turned away from the mirror and ignored the nauseous sensation he felt when ever he stared too long, shaking his head with gritted teeth at the fragile and broken voice inside his mind that filled him with self-doubt. He groaned and rubbed his tired eyes as he hung up the towel. He needed more sleep, perpetually exhausted and tired as he was never able to rest for more then a few hours, four at the most, before he was awoken by horrific nightmares that always felt too real and left him gasping and shaking. He had gotten better at suppressing his screams, not wanting to wake up Steve, and most nights he was successful. But then there were still some nights he couldn’t break free, trapped in a terrifying dream where Hydra was ripping him apart and his hands where drenched in the blood of countless innocent, faceless souls. He would fight the sheets, body contorting in desperate agony until Steve shook him awake and held him close while he sobbed and gasped for air, clinging to his best friend with overwhelming fear and pain. 

Those nights had become less these past few months and Bucky had gotten better at waking himself up and remembering who he was and where. He would simply go work out in the gym or bug Stark, who was always up tinkering in his lab. Occasionally he would find Clint wide awake in the common room watching a movie, the Archer admitting that he too had his own share of sleepless nights and far too real nightmares. The lack of sleep took it’s toll however and so Bucky was prone to taking brief naps, falling asleep when ever he was sitting still for more then a half hour. The other’s had gotten use to it and just knew to remove anything sharp or dangerous from around him and stay out of arms reach because when he awoke he would need a few seconds to reorient himself.

The Sargent walked stiffly over to his bed and collapsed into it with a sigh of relief, letting his heavy eyes drift shut as he reminded himself just how lucky he was to have this second chance. He felt like a man who had climbed his way out of the pits of hell, guided by his guardian angle who wore a blond halo of gold over patient and loving blue eyes that promised to always see him as a good man instead of the demon he had been transformed into. Bucky pulled his pillow to his chest, hugging it as he let his mind picture a laughing blond boy who held out his hand as he pointed toward a tall Tower, gleaming in the sun of a bright future.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………....

 

Bucky heard a soft melodic voice singing a familiar tune as awareness slowly reached him. He peeked open one groggy eye toward the door way of his bedroom and saw Steve leaning against the door frame with a fond expression as he waited patiently for his friend to wake. Bucky rubbed his face as he listened to the familiar and comforting music of his era. He dropped back into his pillow with a murmured sigh and a warm smile as he sleepily watched Steve cross into the room before taking a seat next to him on the bed.

“Hey Bucky,…… You remember this song?” Steve asked softly as he rubbed Bucky’s left shoulder where it joined with the metal limb, the muscle always tense and aching. Bucky made a groan as he shifted slightly onto his front to give Steve better access to the sore joint. He closed his eyes again and began humming to the tune as Steve kneaded the muscle.

“It’s…… I know it,….. give me a sec,…….. “ Bucky’s eyes closed as his brown furled and he bit his lip, concentrating on the voice of the female singer. After a few moment’s his eyes shot open and he turned toward Steve as he sat up right facing the Captain, an excited gleam in his eye and a twitch to his lips. 

“Harry James and Kitty Kallen,…..“It’s been a long, long time coming.” Bucky clapped his hands once in a sense of accomplishment, proud every time he remembered something new, another piece of his past.

“Yup!.......... You remember when we first heard this song?” Steve asked with an eyebrow raised and a coaxing smile on his face. 

Bucky looked at him with a thoughtful expression before he narrowed his eyes and contemplated the answer. After another moment of thought Bucky’s began to speak in a dreamy way, as he often did when imagining the details of a hazy and distant memory. “It was during the War.….. We where in a town,…… French?......... And I was dancing with this pretty little dame……” His blue eyes grew wide as he turned toward Steve with a bright grin. “It was my Birthday!....... You had talked them into giving the Commandos three days leave to celebrate and hadn’t told any of us,….. kept it a surprise!” 

Bucky laugh as he patted Steve’s knee with a shake of his head. Steve grinned and nodded with an expectant smile, waiting for Bucky to drawl the connection. Bucky looked at Steve for a moment with confusion before blinking and looking down at his Stark Watch that did all sorts of things, including tell him the date, March 10th 2015. Bucky looked at his watch with surprise then up at Steve with a baffled laugh.

“It’s my Birthday!” He chuckled as he shook his head in disbelief.

“Happy Birthday Bucky Barnes!........ Ninety-nine years ago today you where born!...... But lets just call you 29,……… You look good for your age!” Steve laughed with a nod as Bucky rolled his eyes and punched him in the arm.

“Thanks Punk!” He grinned rubbing his face in slight embarrassment that he had forgotten his own birthday.

“Your welcome Jerk!” Steve replied in kind. “Now rise and shine Sargent!....... It’s past 5 pm and Pepper has dinner planned for 6:30 sharp!” Steve stood with a smile as he walked over toward the door and grabbed a suite bag hanging up.

“Dinner planed?....... For my Birthday?......” Bucky spoke with a tone of uncertainty as he gave Steve an imploring look that begged him to understand that he was sick of being the center of attention.

“Bucky!......... Common!” Steve sighed as he brought the suite over and lay it on the chair before looking down at his frowning friend who would not meet his eyes. Steve ruffled his friend’s bed head hair do and chuckled as Bucky swatted at his hand in annoyance. “Look,……” Steve sighed again and sat back down on the bed in front of Bucky, drawing his attention by reaching out to clasp his metal hand. Bucky looked down at the flesh and metal hands then up at Steve with a moody expression. 

“Bucky this has been a really important year for you,… but also for me and for our team!....... We want to celebrate your recovery and the fact that you fought your way back after Hydra tried to destroy you!” Steve’s eyes winced slightly as Bucky visibly shuddered at the mention of Hydra before looking away with an embarrassed flush, jaw locked as he stared down at his hands.

“Bucky Barnes!,…… A year ago you didn’t even know who you were…” Steve was cut off as Bucky huffed.

“Sometimes I still don’t!” The Sargent grumbled before rolling his eyes as Steve grabbed his jaw a little forcefully with his free hand that wasn’t holding the cybernetic one, forcing their eyes to meet.

“Bucky!........ You are a hero, and one of the bravest and strongest men I know!....... Now be a man and face up to the fact that we are celebrating your Birthday!...... Whether you like it or not!” Steve teased as he leaned in and kissed his friend on the forehead before releasing him with a playful shove. “Fix that ugly mug of yours and get dressed!....We don’t wanna keep them waiting!” The Captain commanded as he headed for the door.

“Yea sure thing Cap,…. But I am betting Stark will be the last one there!” Bucky snickered and Steve let out a coughed laugh before he headed back to his own room to change into the suite Stark and Ms. Pots had tailored for the occasion. Steve smiled to himself as he thought about what the Avenger’s had planed and then swallowed down the concern that it might be too much for his friend who was only just beginning to act like himself again, still cautious and full of self doubt and guilt. Steve shook his head and focused on how he could help Bucky enjoy himself the way he once could so naturally, unlike Steve who had always just been a tag along until the war. The Captain took out his suite and his smile returned as he heard Bucky from the other room.

“HOT DAMN STEVIE!.....We are gonna look like a couple of Hepcats all decked out!” Bucky shouted with unmistakable glee from the other room. Steve chuckled as he looked at the expensive suite, cut and styled from the height of fashion in the 194o’s.

“Yea Buck,….. lets show them how a real man dresses up….with class!” Steve grinned, feeling almost giddy and tremendously grateful that after a little over a year of patient heart ach, Bucky was finally going to celebrate his Birthday and the start of his new life by remembering the old.

 

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Bucky had of course been right and Stark had been about twenty minutes late earning him a scowl from Pepper. They laughed as he joined the others in his own tribute to 1940’s formal ware in a tailored suite just like the other gentlemen of the Avenger’s and surprise company of Director Fury and Rody. The ladies had also dressed up for the occasion with Jane Foster, Maria Hill and Betty Ross all arriving before Bucky who was grinning and covering his mouth is speechless awe. Every one looked like they had just stepped out of the 40’s, even Thor who had his hair pulled back wearing a fedora hat. Bucky smiled and shook his head as Steve pat him on the back and Stark handed him a Bourbon.

“A Toast in honor of our dear Sargent James Buchanan Barnes!” Stark raised his glass and Bucky hid his face in his hand but raised the glass as well. Natasha wrapped an arm around his shoulders as she sat on the arm of the reclining chair he had retreated to. 

“A year ago to this day,…….. We had the pleasure of presenting Sgt Barnes with a safe place to recover and some tools to help him find his way back……. “ Stark turned and looked at Bucky with a contemplative nod and Bucky looked at him with a shy smile beneath nervous eyes. “It was not an easy Journey for him,….. or for us…..” Stark smirked and Steve shook his head as they room sighed and chuckled, Bucky blushing again as he nodded. “But it was his strength of will and absolute determination that ultimately helped him break free from the two headed Bitch!” Stark spoke with a smirk and Bucky barked a laugh, appreciating his choice of words and how he didn’t say the name Hydra, knowing how it rang loudly in the Sargent’s ears even when whispered. 

“So here is to you Sargent Barnes! You might be one lucky Bucky,…… but it is your marvelous resilience and unwavering courage to move forward that has been your saving grace!......... Thank you James, for being every bit the Man that Steve had promised you were and proving to us all once again that the bad guys never win!” Tony nodded with sincerity and the others all spoke up with agreement raising their glasses up. Bucky nodded with an emotional look before downing his drink, shaking slightly and overwhelmed by the praise. As If on que, knowing what he needed before even he did, Natasha grabbed his hand and dragged him to the balcony as the others all turned toward each other to converse, understanding that Bucky needed a moment to gain his composure.

Outside Bucky took in a deep breath as he leaned over the balcony railing, blinking his wet eyes up at the night sky over looking New York. Natasha stood next to him as she sipped her drink, not saying a word or looking at him. He gripped the balcony as he steadied his breathing and focused, blinking his eyes, feeling so deeply his gratitude and relief that it almost made him weak in his knees.

“I don’t deserve this!” Bucky whispered low and raspy as his eyes grew distant, blurred by the sea of city lights. Natasha looked at him for a long moment then stood up strait, resting a hand on his shoulder as she threw back her drink.

“Neither do I,…… But ya might as well just make the best of it, …..” Natasha turned and faced him full on and he did the same, offering an unsure smile. “And remember how to let your self live again!” With that she leaned in and gave him a soft, lingering kiss that made him catch his breath, her fingers soft on his face. She pulled away slowly with a smile and whispered in his ear. “Happy Birthday Bucky Barnes!” 

Bucky’s mouth was open as he watched her smile then saunter back inside calling over her shoulder that Dinner was about to be served. Bucky swallowed and nervously smoothed out his suite, a small grin on his face as he rolled his shoulders and headed inside, determined to once more be the man he knew he was.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dinner had been amazing as was to be expected and Bucky enjoyed every bit of it, feeling relaxed and at ease in the company of friends. Thor had announced as the plates were being cleared that he had a special present for James Son of Barnes that should be shared with Captain America but no other mortal, his gaze looking sternly to Stark who rose his hands in question and then Clint who simply shrugged.

“This,……. My dear friend,…… is from my world,…… and such has strength not intended for mortal men.” He handed Bucky and large glass container that was almost two feet long with beautiful colors and prisms that resembled crustal reflecting light. It had two large twisted handled on both sides of a long thin neck that was capped with a smooth stone that fit perfectly. Bucky had to stand up to accept it as he gazed in wonder and curiosity at the large, ornate jug full of liquid. “Open the lid and breath in the aroma Good Sargent.” Thor smiled and nodded, the others all watching with fascination. Bucky looked slightly nervous but removed the stone that had sealed it and took and long breath, his eyes dilating immediately as a large smile blossomed on his face and let out a sound of amazement.

“Oh,….. wow,…… This is,…….. wow!” Bucky grinned; almost swaying where he stood just from the scent. Steve was at his side casting a concerned look at the magical potion then up at Thor who laughed and placed his hands up to convey no harm.

“Captain this is a bottle of Asgaurdian Ale over a thousand years old by our world so,……. Well,…. Lets just say it is ancient in yours…….. Just the smell is intoxicating and a simple drink will be quite enough to ensure the Sargent is in a mood of merriment!” Thor clapped his hands as Steve took a sniff before he too stumbled back with a smile on his face, eyes blown wide and a dreamy look on his face. Bucky grinned as Steve wrapped a arm around him, both men watching with elated expressions as Thor poured two small glasses for the super soldier’s and one larger one for himself before capping the lid. He pointedly looked at Tony before he whispered a low chant over the top and a vacuum sound sealed the top of the lid, ensuring it could not be removed. He grinned at Stark’s eyebrowed look and then handed a glass to both men. “Let us drink now as friends and as warriors who must remember why it is we fight.” He held up his glass and they toast before drinking down the strange, light pink liquid.

“Oh Jeez,……it,…….. it tastes like,……. It tastes like caramel apples!” Bucky blurted out with excitement as he licked his lips in surprise, a grin on his face.

“What?...... No,…… I thought it tasted like my mom’s Lemon Meringue Pie!” Steve disagreed with a lighthearted grin, his eyes glassed over. The other Avenger’s and guests where chuckling and exchanging amused looks, having never seen either man intoxicated before. Thor laughed and clapped them both on the back.

“And that is part of the Magic of Asgaurdian Ale, it tastes like whatever you most long for,……. Mine tastes of Starlight Berries and Yendel Beast Cream.” Thor explained as if those where commonly known foods. Both Steve and Bucky began to laugh, arms holding the other up.

“Thor,….. I swear sometimes I think your making this stuff up!” Bucky grabbed his side as Steve covered his mouth and shook his head.

“Well it looks like this party has officially stated!....... And since Thor wont share any more of the good stuff,…… which by the way appears to be more like a combination of shooms and nitrous then alcohol,…….. Any one else want to do a round of shots before we head to the dance hall?” Tony asked as hands went up and Bucky slowed his laughter with a confused look and wide mouth smile, glancing from Steve to Tony then back again.

“Oh Bucky,….. Just you wait,…… Stark is,….. well, he’s just so big about every thing ya know?” Steve grinned with a shrug, clearly feeling the effects of the strong drink and luckily so was Bucky who just covered his face and laughed again leaning against his friend’s shoulder.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………... 

 

As they entered the large banquet hall turned Dance hall, Bucky skidded to a stop, eyes wide and mouth open in utter disbelief. Tony by way of Pepper had managed to turn the whole room into a replica of a Dance hall from the late 1930’s early 1940’s with a large Brass Band playing and a troop of no less then 30 professional swing dancers who were already dressed up and moving around the room doing the Jitter Bug. Men were swinging and Women were flipping over them as Bucky laughed in amazement, his grin so wide he had tears in his eyes.

“Happy Birthday Sgt!” Tony smiled as he placed a hand on his shoulder and Bucky turned toward him with a look of such appreciation and speechless bewilderment that Stark just rolled his eyes and let Bucky pull him into a tight hug.

“Okay,…..okay Barnes!...... Your stronger then you know pal!” Tony wheezed as Bucky let go of him and turned back toward the crowd of dancers who hadn’t stopped moving. The watched the familiar scene with nostalgia, Bucky tapping his foot and standing next to Steve. After a few minutes a small brunet girl with bright red lips that matched her well fitting dress and nails came by them with a flirtatious wink. Her hair and make up was perfect as was her attire and as she sauntered up towards the two Super Soldiers she leaned on her hip.

“Well aren’t you Hotshots looking Snazzy!……..Say, which one of you boys is gonna ask this lady for a dance hmm?” She purred at them, her choice of language sounding slightly forced and put upon but the effort was nice.

“Go ahead Bucky!” Steve grinned as he none to gently shoved Bucky forward, the man stumbling slightly, nervously looking away and then back up to the girl’s red lips, his heart pounding as she took his metal hand that was concealed by a glove.

“Well common then Daddy-O,……you gonna show me what ya got or you gonna flap your gums all day with the Captain here?” She grinned and Bucky flushed smiling back, letting the euphoric feeling of the Asgaurdian Ale relax him as he let himself be lead onto the dance floor. He chuckled as he saluted Steve and began to dance with the girl who looked the part and helped him feel like maybe he could go back in time to before Hydra had shattered his mind, body and soul. Bucky laughed as the music took hold and with the help of the drink and the girl in his arms he felt his body start to move like he once knew how, a dance of ecstatic energy and acrobatics instead of lethal and deadly. Bucky was grinning wide as together he and the girl began to tare up the dance floor, their moves in sync and fluid as Bucky let loose. 

The other Avengers watched with genuine surprise and good natured applause as Bucky fell into a smooth rhythm of fancy foot work and animated arms with out the appearance of effort, the girl giggling as she attempted to keep up with him. All around him people were dancing and the sound of laughter and music filled his ears. He grinned and threw the girl over his shoulder and she landed with a startle laugh before grabbing another girl’s attention. A tall Red head cut in with an easy spin and proved to be a more acrobatic dancer, taking Bucky’s hand and following his lead. She had less trouble keeping up with his sharp moves and steady pace, her body easily spinning and flipping around him as Bucky hoisted her into the air and around his body. 

Bucky danced with four different girls, eyes glowing over a steady smile. After almost 45 minutes strait Steve went out onto the floor and dragged him toward the bar for a water beak, aware that his friend had been lost in the moment, becoming fixated on the movements and muscle memory in a way that was eerily similar to the conditioned control of the Winter Soldier rather then the happy go lucky and care free dancing of days gone by. Bucky was breathing heavy with bright eyes, hands shaking with excitement as he guzzled the glass of water and another with a smile on his face the whole time as he nodded at Clint and Natasha.

“Looking Good out there Sargent!” Clint lifted his whisky in salute and Bucky nodded his thanks.

“Feel’s like it’s been so long since I really let loose!..........Can’t believe people still know how to dance like we did!” Bucky grinned as he watched the continuous flow of dancers, some teaching Thor and Jane a few moves while Dr. Banner and Dr. Ross stood near each other whispering and smiling. Sam was trying to keep up with a cute girl in blue while Tony and Pepper danced moderately along the edge. Bucky was sweating and his breathing hadn’t slowed down despite his smile, eyes blinking rapidly as the room swirled and the bright colors and lights seemed to mix with the blaring of the brass band.

“Hey Bucky,…… lets get a breath of fresh air!” Natasha stood up and held out her hand as Steve’s expression became slightly worried, continuing to watch his friend who was still shaking. Bucky blinked a few times before nodding, his own brow crumpling as he realized he was feeling overwhelmed. Natasha offered him an easy smile as he accepted her arm. “Steve, ask them to play something slow for me and The Sargent to dance too when we come back in,….I don’t want to make a fool of myself tripping over the foot work.” She offered over her shoulder and Steve gave her a smile of gratitude and a nod of thanks sighing as they left, headed out onto the balcony for the second time that night.

“He really is doing amazing Steve,….. You worry too much!..........And that makes him more self-conscience……..Harder to put on a brave face.” Clint mused just as Sam came up huffing and flopped down in a bar stool next to him shaking his head as he accepted a glass of water.

“Man oh Man,……. I can’t believe you guys use to dance like that!.......How did people not get kicked in the head!” Sam laughed and Steve grinned shaking his head as Clint smirked. Sam followed Steve’s gaze that wandered back toward the large open glass doors as he watched Bucky leaning over the Balcony and Natasha rubbing his back. “That Asguardian Ale must be some good stuff!..... Haven’t seen you or Barnes this at ease since….. well,…..ever.” Sam huffed as he then ordered a harder drink.

“Yea,….. it definitely did the trick,….. but I still think Bucky might get overwhelmed a bit,…….. He was kinda checked out for a few minutes back there.” Steve swallowed as he gestured toward the dance floor with his head, eyes communicating his concern. Sam nodded and looked at Clint who simply shrugged with a nod, both men knowing that when Steve said “checked out” he meant Bucky was acting like the Winter Soldier. 

It happened much less often and he usually snapped out of it on his own after only a few seconds but they had each found him at one point or another, scowling at nothing, eyes lost in thought or in the Gym working out beyond exhaustion, as if being tested. Most recently it was with Pepper in the Kitchen, helping her cut up onions, his movements precise and repetitive, face locked in determination. He did not respond when she called his name and so she backed out of the Kitchen slowly and asked Jarvis to call Steve. The Captain had walked up in front of his friend and after calling his name, calmly reached out and placed his hand on Bucky’s metal arm. In a flash the knife was up against Steve’s throat and The Soldier was staring at him but not seeing him, pupils dilated and nostrils flared with forceful breaths, jaw locked.

It had taken a minute or so of calm authoritative words and gentle coaxing before James Barnes blinked rapidly and looked at Steve with at first confusion and then shock, dropping the knife and backing away with a cry of horror. He had trembled and clenched his fists as he backed away from Steve into the far corner, repeating himself over and over, ‘Oh God,…….I’m Sorry! Jeasus!......Please…… I’m sorry!’ Steve approached him just as he had when his friend was still locked within Hydra’s Conditioning and Programing, speaking slowly with reassurances and direct orders to ‘Calm down,’ and ‘Breath Buck,….. That’s it!’ After that episode it was decided that Bucky wasn’t expected to help out in the kitchen anymore.

“He is doing alright through Cap,…… better then alright honestly.” Sam offered as they watched from afar as Bucky stood up and Natasha fixed his hair for him and striated his dress shirt and tie.

“That’s what I have been telling him!” Clint chuckled as Sam nodded in agreement.

“What?.... Tell Captain Worry Wort that Barnes is doing just swell at this Birthday Hoopla!?” Stark walked up behind them as he ordered a drink for himself and Pepper who was talking with Betty and Bruce.

“I know he is!” Steve huffed indignant at the other men before looking away toward Bucky then back at them with a sigh and small smile. “It’s just been so long since he was able to relax and enjoy himself with out a flash back or panic attack or,……. Some other thing. I just,…… I want to see him stay happy and not just pretend for my sake!” Steve sighed and shook his head as Sam, Tony and Clint exchanged knowing looks.

“You two are quite the pair Rogers!...... Both so busy being concerned for the other that you forget how to ease up and enjoy your selves!.” Stark sighed before turning his direction. “Ms. Pots,…….. I need your assistance please!” Tony smiled as Pepper excused her self and joined the men by the bar with a warm smile. “Captain Negative Nancy over here needs an attitude adjustment and a turn on the dance floor!” Tony patted Steve on the back as Pepper rolled her eyes but took his arm with a warm smile.

“Comon Steve, I need to dance with a man who isn’t too busy primping his feathers for attention!” She winked at Tony who let out a huff in protest. They watched as Pepper lead him to the dance floor and he gave a signal for the band to start playing something slow. With amused smiles they watched as Natasha lead Bucky out onto the floor and they began to dance next to Steve and Pepper, swaying gently to the easy beat. 

Bucky sighed, leaning in close to Nat as his gaze caught with Steve’s and they both gave a small nod, grateful to one another and to the women in their arms and the men that watched their backs. It was a new era and while so much had changed, at least something’s hadn’t. They had each other and together they would make it through anything. Bucky closed his eyes as he held Natasha close, breathing deeply with relief and contentment.

 

The End!


End file.
